This morning I overdid it. I decided that I’d try getting out of my house and run a couple of errands.
I went to the farmer’s market for gluten-free fresh bread and to the post office.
I was out a maximum of 90 minutes, door-to-door, including picking up and dropping off my Mum.
Once home, I crashed for the next 4 hours.
Several hours later my breathing is still unsettled, even when resting, and the pain in my back and joints is ridiculous.
I did next to nothing.
It was still too much.
I used up way too many spoons.
I’m beyond frustrated.
Today, the 23rd July, marks it being one full month since I was signed off work.
I am better than I was then, for sure.
At that time, I couldn’t even consider trying to get to the farmer’s market!
However, I am so frustrated at not being able to plan anything.
If I knew that this was going to be my life for the next 4 months, I wouldn’t like it, but I could at least start planning for 5 months time!
Living with this unknown timetable is extremely difficult for me.
I hate not knowing from one day to the next, one hour to the next, how well I’ll be feeling.
One moment I am moving around my home relatively easily; the next I can’t make it 10 steps without having to stop and rest.
When reflecting on this today a poem I once read came to mind. I searched for a copy and almost every copy of it that I could find cited the author as anonymous.
However, it was also included in an anthology of poems and writing by Joan Evans Walden, so I’m not sure if she is the original author or not.
Anyway, the poem is about realizing the value of time and I’ve included a copy at the end of today’s post.
So I have decided that while I’m in this limbo I’m going go try and work on valuing what I do have from moment to moment; rather than being so frustrated with what I don’t have; especially as my frustration is usually to do with not being able to plan tomorrow.
As the saying goes:
“Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
today is a gift,
that’s why we call it a present.”
To realize the value of a sister,
Ask someone who doesn’t have one.
To realize the value of ten years,
Ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years,
Ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year,
Ask a student who failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months,
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn,
To realize the value of one month,
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week,
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one hour,
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of one minute,
Ask a person who has just missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one second,
Ask a person who has just survived an accident.
To realize the value of a millisecond,
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
To realize the value of a friend,
Time waits for no one.
Treasure each moment that you have.