Over the years I have learned patience but unfortunately I still don’t suffer fools gladly. When spending all day, every day, for months fighting to simply physically survive my patience is often very thin when dealing with others that seem, to me, to be acting like idiots.
A wonderful example of this happened to me today. I recently sent an inquiry to a company inquiring about the availability of subtitles on their movies, as I’m deaf. Their response was to inform me that they can’t deal with my request for such information by email and would I please call them?
Now I know that often these responses are automatic. This one wasn’t though, or at least it didn’t appear to be. So somebody actually read my message that said that I’m deaf and that there is no point in my buying movies without subtitles and still didn’t think that telling me to use the phone would be pretty idiotic. I’d at least have given them points if they’d sent me the TTY number (I don’t have a TTY machine) but at least that would have shown some thought.
Instead I now have to find a way of making contact with a real person by email, or online message when available, to get my question answered.
Of course the whole thing would be much simpler if they just complied with disability accommodation legislation and captioned all movies!
The worse part is that when I do finally get somebody to understand that I’m deaf they then tend to act as so I’m stupid as well. You wouldn’t believe the number of times that people have said nasty things about my being deaf and what an inconvenience it is for them without thinking that I just might be speech-reading what they’re saying.
I can’t hear properly. That’s it. It doesn’t have an impact on my intelligence. It doesn’t change my ability to see. If anything I pay closer attention to what’s going on around me than many hearing people do.
It is shocking to me that many people, and in fact a number of countries, still think that the deaf shouldn’t drive. Yet at the same time there is extensive research being undertaken into how to get drivers to pay more attention to emergency vehicles as they don’t hear the sirens over the music they have playing!
Ironically, research has demonstrated that the deaf are actually safer drivers than the hearing. Probably because we do rely on our eyes to hear so we actually pay attention to those flashing lights because we can’t hear the sirens.
Anyway, my reality is pretty logical.
I’m deaf, that means that I have very little hearing in my case – virtually none without my hearing aids in and if I’m not paying close attention.
To me it would then be pretty obvious, once informed that I am deaf, to assume that I can’t use the telephone. To assume otherwise is just idiocy as far as I am concerned. However, in the last few weeks I have realised that my reality is often very different to others.
I understand that there are always three versions of reality, like truth – mine, yours and somewhere in the middle. However, I don’t understand how people can create a reality that bares no resemblance to facts.
I spent two hours last night repeating information that I have posted about pretty often on my blog. I did it because somebody asked for my help. I finally got fed up of answering questions about something that I have already addressed at length and told them to search my blog for the information.
They got upset with me and stated that I am a “hard person” as I wouldn’t help them. At this point I lost all patience and didn’t continue the text conversation further.
I’d just spent 2 hours helping them. Documented fact.
Additionally, my blog has a search function right at the top; it makes it really easy to find the posts that you’re interested in. The topic that they wanted to know about was the text 911 system. It takes all of 2 seconds to type 911 in the search box, hit enter, and then get the four blog posts which tell you all about the problems that I had when it failed, the investigation undertaken and the results of that investigation. There are links to the text 911 system right in the posts themselves.
However, apparently I wasn’t helpful and I was informed that I was a “hard person” because I didn’t continue to spoon-feed the information they wanted, the way that they wanted it.
Since when is it my job to spoon-feed other people information that I’ve already provided? Especially to an adult who is quite capable of doing that search themselves.
Yet as soon as I set up a boundary and say enough…. I’m the problem.
Some time ago I posted about needing to set more boundaries in my life and that the hard part about doing so is the anger others express when I set them and expect others to keep them. Last night’s conversation was a perfect example of my not respecting myself enough to hold that boundary. I wasted two hours of my life, and a lot of energy (spoons) that I just don’t have to spare trying to be helpful. Only to be called names.
I should have just simply insisted that they use the search function, read the blog posts (that they had said that they’d read already but obviously hadn’t) and only answer any additional questions.
This is just one example from my life recently where the facts, not even my perception of reality, but actual documented fact aren’t supported by others realities. Yet somehow they try and make me fit into their version of reality and get angry with me when I won’t agree to do so.
I love this quote about not caring about impressing others and I’m working hard on making it a reality in my life. However, it seems that I need to add an addendum to it….
I have reached a point in my life where I no longer care whether your reality matches mine or not. If it does, great, if it doesn’t, enjoy your alternate reality but please don’t waste my time and energy bullying me when I don’t conform to yours!