I am sick of platitudes. The one driving me nuts at the moment is “It can only get better”. If I could scream, I certainly will if I hear that one more time.
Please stop saying this to me, and to others.
Believe me, even when you think you’ve hit rock bottom it can still get worse.
I’m sick and tired of being sick.
I’m also tired of people just not getting it. That when I say that I am housebound that I really do mean that in over two months that I have not left my home more than a few times for anything other than medical appointments.
That those few times that I have tried leaving my home, have been for essentials such as grocery shopping and that they have been very carefully managed. Even then I have paid heavily for doing something so simple as getting a few groceries.
I’m tired of having to repeatedly explain that I can’t use a telephone. That I can’t hear well at the best of times and struggle to use an amplified phone, but that right now I can hardly speak and so people can’t understand me either.
Even when they’ve emailed me, to begin with, because they know this, people keep then telling me to call them when I need clarification on something. How does this make sense to them? Are they just not thinking?
That when I say that my home has to be completely scent free right now I am not exaggerating. My friend, who has gone above and beyond in making herself safe to be able to visit me simply put a tiny amount of hairspray on the other week and triggered an asthma attack for me.
Just this past week I posted about ending up in Emergency not once, but twice, because I had an anaphylactic response to something used during a biopsy.
Then, when I’m recovering from that, I get more bad news.
I don’t want to hear any more news.
I don’t want to open any e-mail.
I don’t want to look at any texts.
I don’t want to use Facebook.
However, as I said in another post this week technology is currently my only contact with the outside world.
So I don’t have a choice about whether or not I use technology unless I want to be totally isolated – which I don’t.
I can’t change others.
However, I do have a choice in how I react.
So I’m going to remind myself that I can, and will survive.
That more importantly, I am not as alone as I feel, and that I do have some awesome friends that epitomise the sentiment expressed by Winnie-the-pooh: They can’t do much to help me up right now, only the health professionals can (and hopefully sometime soon will) do that but they do a fabulous job of listening to me.
Those of you concerned, know who you are – thank you!