Dating for the first time after two divorces and a live-in relationship….

Life is weird sometimes. My dating history is somewhat unusual. I’ve been married and divorced twice and had one live-together relationship. Yes, somehow along the way I never really dated.

My first marriage we dated once as a couple, got engaged, delayed the wedding after his mother had a stroke and all dates after that were with a group of friends. That continued after we were married.

I did a little better with husband number two but seeing as we were dating across the Atlantic we were either living together or hundreds of miles apart. We did manage a few more dates on our own but this time we tended to have his youngest son with us and his cousins or friends.

By the time we get to the living-together relationship I had a teen daughter and he had a teen son. So once again we rarely had time to date unless the kids were both engaged with cadet activities but as we met because my ex was a cadet officer he was often needed there too.

In between long term relationships I’ve had a half dozen other dates. However, either we never got past a first date due to lack of interest on both sides or the guy proposed!

So here I am single again at 45. Single for a good two years so have worked through the majority of the issues gained coming out of another relationship that I thought was for life, and was apparently not. Alcohol being his true life partner, not me.

I have to learn to date! Thankfully my students have educated me over the years so that I know things like “Netflix & Chill” really means hook-up for sex. However, some of the other ‘knowns’ are very hard to work out, especially if you’re pretty naive as it turns out that I am.

Then there are the dating books on rules, no rules and men and women are aliens to each other! Basically what I’m realising is that I have to trust my gut. The problem with that is that I am an analyst, a researcher by nature so I tend to over think things. I’ve ignored my gut in the past to my extreme cost. So now I have to find the balance between listening to it and making sure that I’m not over reacting.

Now add in the complicating factor of my extreme allergies, intolerance to scents and try and work out just how you date anybody even if you give in and join the online dating sites as a way of finding somebody.

Just how do you explain that we can’t even meet for coffee because all the coffee places in town have fresh fruit smoothies on the premises (which I’m allergic to), that they can’t have touched citrus let alone eaten it recently, and must be wearing no scents. That even then, I may have to leave abruptly. Oh, and I work a service dog because I’m deaf and I tend towards fragile fractures.

So I’m going to throw it out there… all advice welcomed. Please tell me about your experiences dating as an adult with chronic disease and conditions….

 

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